i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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