Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
