Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
