"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
