A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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