He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
