Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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