Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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