that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pants are for mortals
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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