good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
