Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
