i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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