I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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