I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
