some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
