I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
