i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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