Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
