Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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