Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
