I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
