Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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