can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
