Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did I show you my penis last night?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
