Kiss
Puke
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
