My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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