so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
