So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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