I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
