Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
