I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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