What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
