oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
