recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
