it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
