I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
