I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
