i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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