butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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