it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
