we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
