Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
