im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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