remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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