her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
