here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
