In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
