dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
