Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
