these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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