My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
