At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
