Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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