we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
