wanna go halves on a baby?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
