I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
