It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize