In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
