My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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