I heard we made out
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
