Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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