btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize