Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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