I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize