I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
40s are totally the cure
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
