i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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