Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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