after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
