Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
