I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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