remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Barsexuality is the new black.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
