The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this just has baby written all over it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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