Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize