his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
