I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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