I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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